05/02/2020
Covid19 Home Project #47 (more or less) - New Toilet Seat
After my 2 hour "tighten-the-sink-faucet" project, I admit I was a little reluctant to do anything at all related to plumbing. Nevertheless, I assured myself that I was MORE THAN CAPABLE of changing a stupid toilet seat. So I went for it! I researched toilet seats: soft-close, normal-close, plastic, wood, assorted shapes and sizes, heated, cushioned, lighted, etc. After careful study, I determined exactly which one I needed. Jumped in my truck, went to Lowe's, bought it, read the instructions, and installed it...all without a single glitch! Feeling great! A total recovery from my last plumbing endeavor.
Everything was perfectly FINE until I invited Michele (my wife) look at my handiwork. She came out of the bathroom with a peculiar look on her face and asked me, "What color toilet seat did you buy?" Thinking that was a really obvious, I said, "White...why?" Then she asked, "What color is our toilet?" Now I began to wonder if my wife might have had a stroke or something, but I humored her and answered, "White!" [LONG AWKWARD PAUSE}...she said, "The toilet isn't white...it's biscuit." At this point, I knew she had had a stroke! Everyone knows biscuit is a food and not a color!
But it got worse. She gave me the old "go in and look at it" talk. So I did...[MODERATE PAUSE]...Admittedly, something seemed a little...umm, not right. So I reminded her that the toilet was in the guest bathroom and nobody would really notice. [LOOK OF DISAPPROVAL]
So I carried on and quickly added...there's no way I'm going back to Lowes and asking for a "Biscuit Toilet Seat!" I imagined they would probably call security on me or start laughing hysterically...thinking I've gone crazy too!
In case you're wondering why I'm sharing this painful story with you, I'm seeking counsel. We still haven't really resolved this problem and I think it's time for unbiased feedback.
So here's the deal, what would YOU DO if you were me and do YOU THINK "Biscuit" is a real color?!!!