10/04/2026
Grief is a funny little bastard that strikes when you least expect it.
The loss of Appapri has come in waves over the past few months. Waking up crying at night as I sometimes lack the capability to grieve consciously.
Nonetheless I try to keep up the good spirit and think about all he has brought me over the past 5 years. Which brings me back to losing my first horse. My heart horse, Texas. If soulmates exist, he sure was mine. Even after losing him almost 6 years ago I can still feel that fire burning in me, or the comfort he once gave me daily.
Texas was the soul that saved mine. He may have been the horse people were afraid of, as he was obviously bonkers, but he was also exactly the soul that my soul was desperate for.
And after such a heartbreaking loss, being rather sure I will never feel a spark of that love again, Appapri showed me that love is all around. It may have took me years to open up fully but he was patient. He was kind. He was loving. Like a good friend that was always there for you whenever you needed it most.
Sometimes I envy people who would rather put their horse down cause they lost their function, their role, their purpose in our weird human world, while still being able to roam carefree without suffering.
How I wish I had that chance with Texas or Appapri, for them to lose their “function” or “purpose” and still have the privilege to watch them grow old.
May we encounter more Texases who ignite our fire, and more Appapris who show us love is all around.
And may we especially love and take care of our horses, even if they lose their “functional” role in our mad human world.
Ps: hug your horse 1 extra time before leaving the stable, trust me❤️